"Life is but a Dream"
Lol not really what I think but it might as well be, right? What's life without dreams and hopes? Even when things are the way we want them there's the hope that they will never change. To me life is more of a book and every person in it is a different character. That book contains everybody's and everything's entire existence from the day we enter crying to the day we leave dying...or something like that lol
Anyway this diary starts the morning of the last day of May when instead of being on here I should be studying for a final exam one i should have already studied for and should actually be asleep seeing as it's already past 2:30 and it ends when it ends haha, just cuz it looks like the end doesn't mean it is. As shown by my previous and current procrastination, I don't do things on time or when I should or even when I plan, I just randomly decide to do something and I do, yup that's me all over. Love it or Hate it, I ain't gonna change it. At least I don't think I will, who knows where my story leads? My life right now is a game of chance. Heads- yes, tails-no. Odd-yes Even-no.
Right now, I should be Asleep.
But I'm not because I should actually be studying for my APUSH final exam.
But I'm not....
And I don't really care. What amount of studying could keep me from failing that class? Then I would have to take it all over again Dx
Well, no, I would have to take US History Again, Not APUSH....
Right Now, my mom's phone should be Charging
But itz not. It's right here in front of me because my mom lets me use it, since I don't have mine.
It's not for a good reason
But what can I do? My dad plays favorites and I'm not his. He took my phone won't give it back and i don't know what to do.
Well, yes I know what to do, tell him i need a number off it, steal the SIM card and buy a new phone...but how?
Right now, I am 16 and that APUSH review keeps poppin up so I am also freaking out.
Weird, yes but that's just how I am, that's just how my life is.
Right now, I work at What-a-Burger, live in Houston, TX am part of my school's AFJROTC and I totally love it.
We're one big family, and no we are not dysfunctional. Family members argue, control and manipulate, that's not just us. And yes, they date each other, but again...that's not just us and at least we're not blood related.
Right now, I think there's no point in trying to sleep, I know I should study but I probably won't and if i FAil, I'll still be surprised.
Yes, I was told to sleep and yes I was told to study. Yes I meant to, but no I never really did. I just told myself I would get around to it.
Right now, I think I might love someone, but I realize I don't. I just love him and this isn't making sense, but hey when does life make sense?
This is my story since March 12th, the first day of this year's Spring Break.
March12th-At work, Iron (Nickname, obviously) has been flirting w/ me in an almost annoyingly obvious way. I know he doesn't like me, he likes Spice but I decide to go with it. "Hey, write your number down, I'll text you later" He does, I don't.
March 13th-At work, Iron says, "U didn't txt me" i smile and say i'll txt him later. This time I do. He tells me he likes me.
March 14th-At home We talk, he lets me kno he wants to ask me out but wants to do so in person.
March 15th- At work Iron asks me out, I say yes, my 1st kiss
March 16th-At What-a-Burger Mom asks who i like, i say Iron and tell her i think he likes me. Then he asks me to go see a movie, Mom says yes. We don't watch the movie, not rlly, instead we make out Dx i felt like a slut, but he insisted it was k and only when i get home do i tell my mom that Iron asked me out
I didn't know then but I know now, Copper started working that day. (Iron-guy, Spice-girl, Copper-guy)
March 17th-At work I meet Copper, work with him and Shiny (not my nickname for him, but it works)
March 19th-(things get blurry from here on out) Copper's gf broke up w/ him. "Oh, I'm sorry" He smiled. "I'm not"
March 23rd-Me and Iron want to go out, Mom says we gotta ask dad
March 29th-Iron meets Dad. (This parts funny, to me anyway)
Dad-Come closer, my hearing's not that good but she probably told you that already. (I hadn't) She doesn't know much about me anymore.
Me to Iron:I used to wanna be a teacher, now I wanna be a foreign affairs person for the Air Force
*End and FFWD convo*
Dad-Did you know she wants to be teacher?
Iron-*laughs a little* she mentioned it
Dad-yeah, she wants to be a teacher. IDK what she's doing with this military stuff
*Flashback to convo right b4 1st Flashback*
Dad to Iron: You're not in that ROTC crap, are you?
April 5th-3rd Week me and Iron are together, I'm expectin to break up but we didn't(pattern he broke) honestly I kinda wanted him to because I actually wanted to take Copper with me to the Military Ball.
April 8th-Iron's B-day. I buy him a cake, he comes over we make out on the bench outside. He leaves.
April 9th-Military Ball. I'm kinda wondering why me and Iron are still together. He leaves at the end of the formalities. So I dance with my "brothers" n start to wonder if maybe Bamboo and or Snowflake might like me, but shove the idea aside (so far, Spice is the only girl)
I txt Snowflake that entire night til 4 am and don't go to sleep til 7am. Not the best idea.
April 21st-(Since April 9th I've been thinkin about Copper more and more, itz not a good thing.I find out he's been kicked out of his house) Copper tells me bout a convo between him and Iron, basically this:
Copper-How are you and KatVara?
Iron-IDK we don't see each other that much anymore, IDK how much longer we're gonna last.
This is but one thing he was hesitant to say to me. The other was one he was nervous boutbut when i admitted to Copper that i didn't care and wasn't worried, I guess i made it easier for him because he asked me to go see a movie with him. I was going to work past my scheduled time that day but chose not to so I could go with him. Called for permission. "No, we're on the way." We live 15 min away. They arrived almost over an hour later. Then I told Iron that i'd been asked to go to the movies by a guy friend and whether or not he minded. He said he didn't care if anything had happened between us. I said I wouldn't cheat on him.
April 23th-I took the day off from work to go to a party. WORST PARTY EVER. the music was good, the company wasn't. simple as that. Me n my sis started messin around. Dad took our phones just as i got a txt from Iron. "Go inside if you want your phone back" we do. My sis got hers back like 5 min later. I still don't have mine. Copper and Iron both worked that day along with SamHouston and Spice. That day i felt like i was able to control so little that i cut myself for the 1st time in at least a year.
April 24th-Easter, and more importantly (to me) last day(i see him) b4 Copper's b-day(18th)i buy him a cookie cake. Barely any people come to what-a-burger and the manager almost calls Copper and tells him not to show up. He doesn't :D i go on break just as Copper is getting there. I give him his cake, Copper eats a piece and we both walk outside. Copper and I talk. (this is one of my favorite memories) and then Copper tells me Iron cheated on me. (I found out later that Iron told Spice and SamHouston too) and that I should break up with him. My mom took my sister's phone because it was unfair that my dad took mine but returned hers.
April 25th-Copper's b-day, Iron doesn't wanna talk to me. I decide if he doesn't break up w/ me by Friday i will
April 26th-Iron makes plans to come over next day
April 27th-Iron doesn't come over. He breaks up with me. I call Copper.
April 28th-Copper's G-ma dies :(
April 30th-Copper reveals that he kno's i like him. I say "u wish" n practically run away. Copper pukes and goes home early. I stay til around 1 AM. B4 that tho, I cry. ALOT. Iron hasn't said anythin he hasn't had to and will barely look at me.
May 1st-Copper calls in. Iron still won't talk to me and continues to act like I dumped him. I call Copper. He's back with his ex.
May 2nd-I call Copper, he says he n his ex are done. I Admit he was right bout me likin him. He says he likes me too.
May 3rd- I call Copper, we talk,Copper's ex calls him, she needs him. When he calls back I'm crying and can't stop when i answer my mom's phone He says he rlly likes me, but she needs him, but he won't kiss her or anythin.
May 4th-I call Copper. He doesn't pick up.
May 5th-Copper shows up at what-a-burger, i say hey, he greets me like a person he doesn't rlly kno. I convince Spice to tell me what i already kno, he's back w/ his ex
May 7th-JROTC Field Day. Me: 1st place Academics. C-Flt: (my flight, team) 3rd place over all. We go to CiCi's pizza (me, my sis, Snowflake, Starbelly, n sum other ppl) I'm late to work. Ecstatic and refusing to speak to Copperr til he speaks to me cuz when igreeted him, he greeted me like he didn't rlly kno me. We both stay til 1 AM or are supposed to. But sumthin goes wrong, Copper is told to go home. I try to talk to him. " I might lose my job. Apparently This place is too fast-track for me. They expect me to learn it all in one day." When he leaves he doesn't say bye to me, only to the security guy who's sitting right next to me. He and his friend who came to get him go to Wal-Mart. When they come back, w/out realizing it i look towards the mass of ppl there n instantly meet Copper's eyes. I look away. My ride shows up. Copper's gettin a drink, i say "good luck" he nods i leave.
May 8th-I show up at work and apparently Copper has quit. Iron starts talking to me again.
May 29th-I see Copper for the very 1st time since he quit when he comes through the drive thru. I almost don't see him, but he leans forward from the passenger seat and says hey. We talk til his food is done then i tell him itz almost my birthday, he wishes me a happy early birthday, I'm ecstatic. I'm so happy i can't stop smiling. I tell everyone who will listen that Copper was at the window. Iron doesn't like it.
At one point, Copper told me he had liked me since we met. I wanted to believe him. When he quit i thought i'd never see him again, but even so thinking about him made me rlly happy. I'm not physically fit, so to motivate myself to finish the 6th lap around our track, still running without stopping i told myself that i wasn't worth Copper's time if i couldn't finish. It worked. And one day, the 21st of May, it backfired on me, all the happy memories depressed me and everyone at work was constantly asking me what was wrong. Even the next day, so much so that Boots(finally! another girl, this one i admire very much! and doesn't work as often because of college) wondered if i was going to die.
Right Now I think I love Copper.
I know I don't, not really.
Right now, I think if soul mates exist, mine could very likely be Copper
What a joke!
For now, i have finished what i want to say. For now, let's say i'm going to put my mom's phone back now.
For now, lets say i'm going to study for that final exam. For now lets say I love Copper and not delve into the current situation w/ Iron. Or Snowflake or Bamboo....
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Life is but a Dream :)
i think......it should be an option after having spent a certain amount of time there and met other conditions, idk how they would set those conditions, but i don't think itz fair to just kill them or to give them the choice right off the bat when they might still be dealing w/ some sort of problems or when they might still be feeling the pressure of outside people wanting them dead, i think it should definetely be an option because people should always have a choice, but i don't think it'd be fair to let anyone do it because of how they feel at one moment and i think they should always be able to change their mind, even at the last second plus away from horrible blood-thirsty ppl who would jeer at them for changing their mind